Thursday, June 24, 2010


This is a new section where I write about what I hate.

1. All this talk about M. Night Shyamalan's new script:

There's been some buzz about M. Night's new script and it's been making headlines lately. My first thought was "So?". So what if he has a new script? Haven't people learned by now that he just makes garbage? His next film, THE LAST AIRBENDER might end up being a fun, kid's action film, but that won't prove that he's back to form with the potential for okay original stories. I like the SIX SENSE well enough and I'm actually more fond of UNBREAKABLE, but everything after that is utter dreck. SIGNS possesses one of the biggest plot holes in film history, the surprise ending to THE VILLAGE can be called a mile away, LADY IN THE WATER is just silly and THE HAPPENING is marked by some of the worst acting and plot development I've ever seen. Now, because of THE LAST AIRBENDER, he's good again? No no, I'm not buying it. Wasn't there a time after LADY that people were saying this guy might never get hired again? Hollywood has been uncharacteristically gentle lately. There are plenty of people who shouldn't be stars anymore because they don't produce or take part in decent, profitable entertainment and yet we still see names like Jennifer Aniston in the marquee. Which brings me to my next point: Guess who's taken an interest in M. Night's script? None other than the great Bruce Willis! Again, who gives a shit? When was the last time Willis was involved in anything of note? His last decade of work has been filled with so much forgettable action-rubbish, I can't believe he's still considered an A-lister. Are his films even profitable anymore? Jesus, I saw a trailer for the comic adaptation RED earlier today (starring Willis) and that looks like more of the same garbage. Dame Helen Mirren, you should be ashamed.

2. I saw a trailer for THE SMURFS today and boy did that piss me off. I can't believe they're even making this movie. Who cares about The Smurfs? And to make matters worse, they're leaving their own animated world and coming to ours. Freaking awesome. What a great excuse to have these blue freaks enjoy pop culture and dance to rap music. God, couldn't you have stopped with ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS. And that damn song in the trailer is irritating too.

3. Chris Klein checks into rehab after DUI:

Oh yeah? BFD. Who is Chris Klein? Oh yeah, he was in AMERICAN PIE a decade ago. The only time anyone talks about this guy is when he's being shit on. Oh look, there's the guy that got dumped for Tom Cruise! Oh look, he can't sing! (That was actually pretty funny) Oh look, Klein's been hittin' the sauce again. When did people start being able to extend their celebrity by hitting rock-bottom? (see Lindsey Lohan)

4. I've been hatin' for a while on the TWILIGHT films because they're garbage, but there's actually worse garbage out there. Robert Pattinson seems like a douche, but he might be alright when this series ends. Taylor Lautner is such a damn wiener, but you gotta admire his determination. Kristen Stewart, on the other hand, irritates the hell out of me. She's a terrible little actress and this reluctant-celebrity schtick is getting pretty old. "Oh, being a celebrity is so awful, I'm just so awkward around everything". Get over it. Start acting like a goddamn grown-up. You've been acting since you were a little kid, this is exactly the kind of life you wanted, so enjoy it. Just pull yourself together or retire to the woods somewhere away from all these anxiety inducing people. I'm sick of seeing you spaz your way through interviews.

I feel better.

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